I was in the apartment Harry and I shared along with all of the boys and their girlfriends. Niall just started seeing a girl named Savannah, and then of course there are El, Dani, and Perrie. Harry was still single, and I had feelings for him but we were just friends. I had gone to Louis once I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and he told me just to wait until tonight and that he had an idea. When everyone came over, we watched a scary movie, and I cuddled up to Harry, but I knew that we were just good friends to him and he didn’t want any more than that. I loved him, and it killed me. After the movie, we all played truth or dare upon Louis’ request.
“I’ll go first!” Louis said. “Harry, truth or dare?”
“Umm, truth.” Harry answered.
“Do you like Erin?” Louis asked grinning widely. We both looked at him like he was insane, and the rest of the boys snickered. I turned away embarrassed and let my hair fall over my face. I felt two fingers tuck my hair behind my ear. I looked up to see Harry looking down at me with a look of disappointment on his face. I felt my eyes get watery; of course they would fail me now.
“Just, spare me.” I said as I stood up and sprinted to my room. I locked the door behind me and fell down on my bed, crying silently into a pillow in the fetal position.
I looked down at her disappointed that this was how she was going to find out, I was planning on telling her later, but of course once I told Louis I liked her he was going to make it as awkward as possible as he could for me. But, just as I was about to tell her, her eyes glossed over and she muttered “just, spare me.” Before running away to her room and locking the door. As I heard the lock click I looked at the others who had the same look of confusion plastered on their faces as I did.
“What was that about?” Zayn asked.
“I have no idea. I mean, I was about to tell her, but then she just, I don’t know.” I replied, running my hands through my hair in confusion.
“It makes no sense mate. She told me she liked you earlier.” Louis pressed.
“She did?” I asked now completely puzzled.
“Yeah, she told me that she didn’t know how to tell you and she was scared that you wouldn’t like her, exactly what you told me as well.” He finished.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Liam said standing up. He was closest to her, so I let him. If he couldn’t get her to come out, none of us would be able to. “I’ll go with you.” Dani said standing up after him and interlocking her fingers with his. “She’ll probably want a girl there.”
I listened as they walked upstairs and knocked on the door. Then I heard a muffled “If you have a penis go away.” That’s my girl.
I heard a knock at my door.
“If you have a penis go away.” I said monotonously, my voice cracking.
“Well, you heard her Liam.” I heard Dani say, followed by a “Fine.”
“Could you let me in?” Dani asked.
“Is anyone else there?” I asked still not raising a pitch in my voice.
“Nope, just me and a box of tissues.”
I got up and unlocked the door. I went back to sit on the bed and Dani let herself in.
She handed me a tissue sitting down next to me on the bed and wrapping an arm around me.
“What’s wrong babe?” she asked.
I broke down crying and she hugged me tighter, and at that point she looked like a fucking angel.
“Come on, what’s up?” she pushed again quietly.
I couldn’t hold this in anymore. I stood up as I started balling, and said quite loudly through the tears “What’s wrong is that I Love him! I don’t want to, but I can’t help it! What’s wrong is I know he could never love me, but I don’t care anymore! What’s wrong is I see him bring home a different girl every other night, and even though I hate it, at the same time I wish it was me! What’s wrong is I feel entitled to him, but he’s not mine! AND THAT’S ALL I WANT IS FOR HIM TO BE MINE, but because I love him his happiness is more important to me than mine is! And it kills me every time he says that he thinks he’s finally found the one. But he was just sex to all of them, and they all just leave the pieces for me to clean up the next day! And he means so much more to me than all of that!” I said as I broke down crying and fell to my knees on the carpet. After a minute of letting it all out, I caught my breath again and said quieter now “What’s wrong, is that all the things that should make me run away make me come closer, and all the things that should make me hate him… somehow make him perfect to me.”
“So, why don’t you tell him all of this?”
“I wouldn’t know how.” I muttered as I broke down crying again. I curled up in a ball and I heard footsteps. Footsteps that were too heavy to be a woman’s let alone a dancer’s. As I felt his strong familiar arms wrap around me, I cried out of utter embarrassment. He must think I’m insane. But I still curled up into his chest. All I wanted right now was him.
“Shh. It’s okay. Just breathe.” He said as he cuddled me on the floor. I could hear his heartbeat and could smell his cologne as his big hand rested on the back of my neck and his arm wrapped around my lower back.
“I don’t need your pity.” I said trying to push him away wish my fists. He ignored my weak attempts at his chest and just brought me closer and tilted my chin up with his forefinger and thumb. I looked up at him expecting him to be angry and embarrassed, but never confused. Why was he confused?!
“Who said anything about pity? Erin, I’ve been in love with you for the past 3 months! I’ve been going crazy trying to find someone to compare to you, but nobody even comes close! All those girls were was distractions.” He said.
Dani got up and left as silently and quickly as possible.
“Really?” I asked finally looking into his eyes.
“Yes.” He whispered. “I love you.” He whispered just loud enough to be audible with a small smile.
“I love you too Harry.” I whispered back before crashing my lips to his.